Tipping for Takeout

I pick up takeout from my favorite Indian restaurant all the time, and don't usually tip. I've often wondered if it was a huge insult, but my concern is mitigated because I often eat in and tip well when I'm there. But the question arises: should you tip on take-out orders? And how do you tip on lunch buffets? When you get your take out order is it correct? What service did they provide? Michael Bauer at Between Meals has a reader question and answer on this very issue. (He doesn't tip for take out either.)

Another Service Dilemma -- I Want My Table!

Here's another stumper for you. I admit I don't have an answer on this one but it was particularly irritating. Last night, we had a specific special table reserved at a particular high end northside bistro, and had to wait 50 minutes -- that's almost an hour -- because the people from the earlier turn overstayed their welcome. After a long wait (where we had to have snacks at the bar not comped by the restaurant), we were finally seated by 9:00 p.m., an hour after our reservation.

Now don't get me wrong, I love this restaurant and all the staff there. And they don't really have a bar which makes it hard for them to, say, offer the lingerers a drink to move. But it also makes it hard for people like us to wait. And, like many restaurants, their policy is that they won't ask people to leave, even when they've had their coffee, paid their check, and continue to just sit and talk -- which is exactly what these people did. It's a dilemma for management. Do you risk irritating the first group of diners or the last?

I've been the first person to complain at restaurants like RBistro where they tell you they *will* ask you to leave. But while the restaurant could have mitigated the problem last night a bit more elegantly than just using salt behind the table, does the real blame lie with management or the diners? The early reservation for this table is usually 6:30 p.m. with the understanding that there will be a second turn. (When I've made the early reservation in the past for this particular table, I've been reminded that we can't have it all evening.) But these people just *lingered* until nearly 9:00 p.m. They stayed, chatting happily completely oblivious that the three of us standing in the foyer for an *hour* were waiting on their table. I was so irritated that I almost went up to them *myself* and politely asked them to move. I also was ready to just ask for another table even thouogh the restaurant was packed. As it was we ended up ordering food at the bar -- on our dime -- which broke our meal up in an awkward way.

Ultimately the hour-long wait affected my overall impression of dinner. Since one of our party had to leave by 9:30, it shortened our time seated together, the overall check, and our overall experience. We would certainly have had more wine if it hadn't been so late. Even though the food was wonderful, as usual, it was a lackluster evening. What could a better solution have been? I know that as a diner, I've certainly had sympathy for a restaurant on a busy night and helped my group of pals free up the table and move our conversation to another venue. And while I certainly didn't expect any freebies, it would have been nice for them to acknowledge the problem, offer us a snack or drinks on them, or at least offer us alternative seating options. Even though we'd planned on a special table, at least one of our party would have wanted to sit earlier -- anywhere -- to eat. And comping the snack we had to order in the bar to stave off cranky hunger would definitely have offset the irritation I'm feeling today.

I see it from both sides and have been both the lingering diner and waiting patron before. But last night, I was the waiting patron and this morning, I'm still irritated about it.

Field Guide to Bad Servers Pt I

Didn't mean to take an impromptu break from blogging this week, but it's been a little busy. I usually complain when work gets in the way of eating, but this week, it feels like eating has gotten in the way of blogging! This week I had a meal or snack at PF Chang's, Jazz Kitchen, Yat's, Ocean World, The Oceanaire, Sullivan's, Shula's, Starbuck's, and McDonald's (hey, I'm coming clean here). I still have a dinner at Oakley's tonight, then I can take a breather. Ironically, or rather unironically here in Indianapolis, I'm having a hard time coming up with the Three Latest and Best. For all the restaurants I dined in last week, I encountered a major problem with more than half the meals. Meals at two were severely marred by poor service which made the mediocre food worse. I've had several conversations with foodies, writers, and chefs this week on service and the conclusion is that great service can make a mediocre meal better. Poor service will reflect poorly on even a great meal.

Anytime you want to define excellence, it's always a start to learn what *not* to do. And thanks to my best friend, gross overgeneralization, let's call it the North American Field Guide to Bad Waiters. This is, of course, a partial list. Feel free to suggest your own.

The Frat Boy Thing Has Worked So Far: This server is common at chains and is especially popular in the bartender model. He has thick, well cut plumage and dresses in a hip manner. He is *cool*, and the bartender of the species is frequently seen sauntering from one end of the bar to the other, busy, but not really busy taking food orders at the bar. Recently, at PF Chang's, as I ate my bland veggies and overcooked shrimp with white sauce (as opposed to their other lunch options, bland veggies and overcooked chicken with brown sauce), service was peppered with phrases like "Is that working out OK?" and the cringe-worthy "How's that coming out for you?" Aside from the 12-year-old humor inherent in the latter phrase, I wanted to ask him why I couldn't get my ice tea refilled or the special sauce mixed for me like he was for every other group of people eating at the bar. This kind of service stems from what I call lack of awareness. He's unfocused and doesn't have any idea how his style is "working out for him."

Stop Doing Me Any Favors: This server works mainly at more expensive restaurants (because you know, the rest aren't good enough.) He is vastly superior. You are merely a problem in his day to be dealt with, dispatched like a naughty child to supper in the nursery. He's doing you a favor by serving you. He assesses how you're dressed and whether or not you'll tip more than 20% (if you can *afford* to.) He has concerns about whether or not you are good enough to eat the food he will serve for any number of reasons: you're a woman, you're on your own, you're ethnic, you're gay, you're young, you're old, you're dressed poorly (in his opinion) -- and my own personal favorite, you're not ordering wine. (We've all known this guy when we go to dinner at a nice restaurant with a friend who doesn't drink, or our parents, and we don't order a bottle of wine! You've seen that look!) This guy is most frustrated that you're wasting his time. You're taking up one of his tables where he could have a serious group of foodies and wineheads ordering $700 worth of French wine. Some species of this server will loosen up when they realize you know what you're talking about when it comes to food and wine (they're probably most concerned you might be *somebody*). But ultimately, I shouldn't have to square off my food knowledge in a Jeopardy match against my waiter in order to have good service in a meal.

Who Cares? I Don't. Our server couldn't have announced it louder if he'd said it. I'm bored. I'm bored to be here. Serving you people. Who probably will be demanding. And ask for more than one wine glass for the multiple bottles of red wine you just ordered. You're going to expect me to check if you need extra forks and bring them. And if you need bread plates. And knives. Oh, here, let me decrumb you again. Slobs. At a recent steakhouse dinner, our entire experience with this waiter was summed up with the wine ordering discussion. As we examined and questioned him on the half-bottles of red wine (so we could taste a flight of California cabs with our steaks), he half-heartedly said, "We have some bottles that aren't on that list." Long pause. "Well," we asked, "what are they?" Sigh from our waiter. "I'll have to go check." We were terribly sorry to inconvenience him.

Churner and Burner: This server is frequently found in high end restaurants, and lower-end chains, and identifiable by his ability to rush diners. His abiding motto? The faster you clear this table, the faster I can get another turn in here. At first, you're happy with how smoothly and quickly your first courses flow, but by the time your entree arrives (and he's stopped at the table five times to continue pouring out your bottle of wine), he's johnny-on-the-spot, practically clearing your plates out from under your poised forks. It's obvious he's torn between upping the check by encouraging you to order dessert and his desire to clear the table. When he asks "can I get you anything else," he seems especially insincere because it's clear he's hoping you'll say no.

Please know that I'm not intending to indict an entire industry of incredibly hard working servers by pointing out a few types of bad apples. The vast majority of servers working in today's high end restaurants -- Oakley's, Peterson's, St. Elmo's, to name just a very few -- are incredibly friendly professionals who know how to strike just the right balance between making their customers feel comfortable and providing excellent, unobtrusive service. But for every one of those incredible professionals, there are 10 poorly trained, obnoxious, or even rude servers. We know that even the best servers have a bad day or a bad table from time to time, but what restaurateurs and managers need to know is that these guys are your front line! They're the first and last communication your diners have with your establishment and a little attitude can go a long way -- a long way to driving those customers away.

Can good service alone make a mediocre meal better? There is sure to be a spirited debate about whether or not it's possible. But I know we're all in agreement that bad service can make even a great meal terrible.

Wine Away!

Word to the wise: If you eat with me and we're drinking red wine, don't sit on my left. As one dining companion found last week and another found just the other evening, it's a dangerous place to be. My sweeping left arm gesture increases with alcohol consumption...apparently.

However, during a spillage the other night during dinner at R Bistro the most amazing thing happened! Immediately after the spill, our waiter came over to assist us -- blotting the temprenillo from our friend's shirt. Then he disappeared and returned with a spray on wine stain remover, Wine Away. A few sprays all over the stains and magically, over the next 10 minutes, the stains disappeared. Not only did the shirt look salvageable, but I felt much less embarrassed for spilling it to begin with. Great work to our miracle waiter -- and Wine Away. This should be a standard part of any restaurant's service inventory. (It appears to be fairly widely available online and in drugstores.)

How to be a Great Guest

The holiday season is coming -- and along with decorations, Christmas presents, Jewish holidays, and family everywhere come the ubiquitous party invitations. In an effort to not sound like Miss Manners (whose rigidity and unhelpful answers often make me want to hurl -- or hurl things at her), I have noticed that sometimes the finer points of being a guest are lost on people. Some people, certainly not just Hoosiers, seem to have lost a bit of perspective when it comes to attending holiday soirees whether a full-blown dinner or a casual get together. Hosting can be hard work and for many of you who've thrown a party, you sometimes know that feeling that it wasn't worth it. A good guest should never make the host (directly or indirectly) feel that having people over was a wasted effort, no matter if the food is pate de foie gras or cheese in a can. But sometimes, we get a lot of invitations and sometimes, in an effort to pick-and-choose, we risk being rude. In an effort to make you look like a holiday party star this year, here are some reminders:

1) RSVP. Always try to RSVP if you can. It's very helpful to know roughly how many people are coming. If you have a last minute change in plans and can attend or have to cancel, your hostess will be very polite about it. (These numbers tend to even out.) But you should try to at least Respond, Sil Vous Plait!

2) Be polite about guests. Let your host or hostess know if you're bringing a guest (especially if you're usually a single) or coming alone if you're part of a couple. (Sometimes we hostesses know people who haven't met each other, she said with a sly wink.) The invitation to bring a guest is usually implied, but it's nice to let party-givers know how many are coming -- especially if it's a smaller party. It's critical for dinners. Additionally, one guest invitation does not imply many and it's rude to show up with an entourage, unannounced, even if you're a rap star. Make that extra call ahead to make sure it's OK if you bring a few extra people.

3) Never arrive empty handed. Yes, Miss Manners would say, the host has invited you and doesn't expect you to bring anything, and I would say they're probably not going to notice or care (unless they were counting on guests to bring, say, wine). However, if you aren't expected to bringing anything else but yourself and possibly a guest, you should bring something for the host or hostess. It doesn't have to be wine, and in fact, in Europe flowers are the norm. Sometimes I bring other small tidbits like mulling spices or dried lavender (from the farmer's market in the summer). Be creative! Bring a candle, chocolate, tea in a fancy jar, an ornament for their tree, or something you made yourself. It doesn't have to be expensive, just something you think your hostess would enjoy. It's not payment for the party; it's a thank for hosting.

4) Respect the dress code. Yes, I know that many people embrace a "casual lifestyle" because they hate dressing up. But the way you dress shows respect to your host or hostess, the other guests and yourself. Dress for many holiday parties is filed under the catchall "holiday attire" which usually means anything from jeans with nice blazers over them (for men on the casual end) to little black dresses for women (on the more dressy end). (You'd could put a cashmere blazer over a tree stump and I'd find it appealing but that's another post.) You can always add a little holiday spice to an outfit. It doesn't have to be the Santa Clause tie or the sparkly Christmas sweater (although it that's your kind of thing then this is the certainly the time to wear it.) Hot? A sprig of mistletoe in the lapel.

5) Unless noted in the invitation, kids are usually not on the menu. Here's one RSVP I received the other day for an upcoming holiday party I'm hosting myself. The invitations were very heavy card stock printed invitations sent by mail. Guests were asked to RSVP by email or phone. "It doesn't look like your party is very kid friendly so we can't come." You're right, it's not kid friendly. There will be a lot of adults there having adult conversations and drinking wine in a home that is decidely not kid friendly. I'm fairly sure your six year-old will not enjoy the foie gras terrine or the Stilton with port wine and black pepper syrup. Get a sitter or don't come, but please do not try to make me feel guilty because I'm throwing a party where you can't bring your children. Adults go to adult parties. See also, Never Be Rude.

6) What you see is what you get. I'm just a big a believer in hosts being polite and that includes having non-alcoholic and vegetarian options for guests. However, many a vegetarian has found themselves surveying a buffet table where every dish includes some kind of meat or seafood. (A Jewish friend of mine was once stuck at an "all-bacon" affair that the host thought a clever idea.) However, part of being a guest sometimes means putting up with inept hosts. While a very polite simple inquiry "did I miss any non-meat dishes?" is fine, complaining is not. Sadly standing with an empty plate is rude, and for goodness sake, rummaging in the hosts cupboards is not OK. (I once had a guest come out of my kitchen with a can of hot chocolate mix and ask "Can I have some of this?" He'd just opened a cabinet and found it.) Many hosts provide bottled water and sodas these days as people like to drink a bit less. Politely ask where any non-alcoholic options are without making an issue of it. See also, Never Be Rude.

7) Never be rude. Being an impolite guest is one of the worst things you can do. You can show up empty handed with extra guests in tow, but if you're rude or disrespectful to the host or hostess, it overshadows everything. Well, I'm never rude, you say. I mind my manners! Well, I'm sure you do. But here's a reminder anyway: Don't get drunk -- or at least, don't get obviously, falling down, everyone-knows-you-can't-drive-home drunk. This forces someone to have to deal with you and/or worry about you when you leave. Don't insult other guests. This includes interfering with warring couples, insulting people, or (and I'm not kidding) getting involved in an altercation. (I've seen punches thrown in very fancy mansions in Carmel.) Don't arrive then leave early unless you have a very polite reason (real or manufactured) including emergency, another affair, or child-care. And just try to at least act like you're having a good time. If you're not, then invent a very nice, polite excuse, and go drink at your favorite bar. Don't create something your host or hostess will have to deal with that will take away from them enjoying your company and their own party. And never make the host or hostess feel like they threw a bad party.

Many of these are common sense rules -- and I'll most likely provide lots of tips for successful hosting this year as well. Hosting parties is hard work! (Sometimes as hard as going to them all.) And happy, polite guests can make it all worth it.